Well this is my therapy spot cuz i can write here and no one knows.
Honey is out of jail. He has only 5 weeks left of probation. His alcoholism has been so-so. He got a great job, only home on weekends. This is week 2, first paycheck. I spent all weekend hearing how when he has a good job he has always bought stuff for the house, lits of groceries, spent money on his ex, gave her half the paycheck. I was hopeful but hesitant.
He called and told me tomorrow at 2pm he'd have most of his pay wired to me. He only needed $150 (hotel and meals are paid for him). I could pay back my parents, buy food, fans, mother's day gift.
He called again....3:30am. Drunk, down bar hopping (he doesn't do that, he's a buy beer at beer store cheap ass drinker). He blew a lot of the money. Only going to send $200. Wants to phone my parents and delay repaying.
I'm in tears. Why am I not worthy of the same treatment as his ex? The ex who cheated, stabbed him....I feel like shit. I feel let down. And I feel embarrassed about not paying my parents back. I'll buy the minimum of what I need and pay them what I can.
Dear Honey, how's your addictions going. My feelings are really hurt but I can't tell you that. Addition makes you selfish and retaliatory. If I do, you'll screw me over and leave me with nothing even though your the reason I'm broke right now.
*reality*
Dear Honey, can you please send more, I really want to pay my parents at least half, I can do without. I love you. Are you going to be doing more bar trips? (No) good I hope not. Please be careful. I don't want you to go back to jail especially in another city. Please come home safely.
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