I hate hearing that I deserve better. I deserve what every good Woman deserves. To be loved my the Man I love.
No one says this when he's being Honey of the year. No one says this when he cleans, cooks, plays with baby, changes cloth diapers, helps teens with homework, talks to them about making better decisions then him, tells me to take a nap, supports my ideas etc etc.
Here's a back story: I once had perfect teeth. Then I had two pregnancies back to back where I had morning sickness till the day I gave birth. The acid from all the puking destroyed my teeth. And I'm a poor Native woman scooped from the States so forget your ideas of government funded dental care. So one day I'm eating beef jerky and a tooth crumbles. I ball my eyes out. I'm devastated cuz its not a back tooth, it's visible if I smile. Honey holds me tight till I'm done crying. He tells me I'm beautiful, I'll always be beautiful even when I'm an old Native granny with no teeth. But seriously I'm beautiful.
Yep that's the love I deserve.
Dear Honey I deserve the amazing love you give me. If you find that lacking at times, strive harder. And Honey you deserve the best love too. I love you faults and all. I really do. I wish and pray that one day you'll fight harder against your alcoholism. Thing is Honey, that's not gonna happen till you understand that you do deserve my love.
And that folks is the issue. Honey can't see past being an alcoholic. That's how he sees himself. I tell him all the other good things but he doesn't see it. It can be hard. In his worst moments when he really hates himself; he can't love in those moments. And then the ugly selfish mean spirited alcoholic shows through. But most of the time my Honey loves me too.
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