It was a Thursday night. A kitten peed on the cloth diapers. I prepped then to wash. Honey had an excuse to drink.
Friday afternoon Honey called, he was downtown, drinking with the downtown alcoholics (I could here then in the background). Honey is very honest , which is unusual for an alcoholic. He also admits he is an alcoholic. I say "Sorry Honey you can't come home". I love him, I tell him I do, he tells me he loves me too. And I cry and I cry.
Honey calls 14 times that night. I answer 7 of them before turning off the phone to sleep. The calls make me cry. I feel awful knowing how hurt he feels. But I know it is for the best. Letting him come home tonight would be a bad choice and we have a baby I have to think about. I also have teenagers I have to think about. They are proud I stand my ground, sorry it hurts, and they miss him too. Honey is a sweetie pie. Tuff to the world, sweet and child like to us. But sometimes when he is drunk he is an asshole who says the most hurtful things in an attempt to make himself feel better. That's not fair to the kids. I know he has had a violent past (he has told me), I work to make sure it doesn't become our present. I make the hard choices
Saturday his friend calls. His friend lives 2 blocks from us, beside the cop shop. Honey was so drunk he was stumbling and falling as he walked. A cop seen this, pulled over and discovered honey was on probation. Honey is arrested, right outside the cop shop. Its noon. He was heading home cuz it's all he knows how to do; come hone and sleep it off. The binge was over but we weren't home and he never made it those last 2 blocks.
My first reaction is "No, No, No" and I cry. His friend (the only one of them I like other then the work friends), tells me don't cry, it will be ok. I listen. It will be. I stop crying cuz actually not only is it ok, it could be a good thing....just please don't let this extend probation.
Honey never called me with his one phone call. Apparently he never got that phone call.
Honey I'm sorry you couldn't come that day. It's not what I wanted but you left me no choice. Honey I'm sorry your in jail but at least you'll have a chance to sober up. Honey I love you. Honey I know you love me too but I wish you could choose me over alcohol.
No comments:
Post a Comment