Dear Honey, I feel broken without you. Numb, no drive, no motivation. I don't know what's going on at the jail, if your getting letters yet, what's on your mind. With no communication since I saw you in court and there was that couple minutes to look into each others eyes while the judge left for his chambers and you could say "I love you". I want to know how you are. That you have letters. That you don't feel as broken as me.
It is hard having your loved one in jail. There are a few times when this is hardest. The beginning before mail starts moving smoothly back and forth. For me and Honey this has been prolonged by the unknown transfer. Usually we know it's coming. We are prepared. Not this time. If your Honey gets really down on himself and feels he isn't "good enough" for you. If your is in the hole. Near the end when each say seems twice as long from anticipation and your nerves are shot wondering about the future and if it will be smooth. And when the doubters talk.
Worry is your enemy. I know this but I don't know how to fight it. I try to remind myself that Honey deals with this better then me. That Honey would know better then me that communication would temporarily be out. That Honey has never lost a jail fight. That Honey is better at this then me. I pray that I get to visit next week, that a letter arrives or a message comes in to my parents.
It hurts and I have no control with Honey in the system. I need to let this be an exercise in trusting in Honey's abilities and strengths to get through this.
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